Is It Ever Wrong To Be Selfish?
Its ok, you can be selfish. I say this to a lot of women I work with. Just because you decide to do something for you; doesn’t mean you are a bad mom or a bad wife. It is ok to sometimes just choose YOU!
Yes, I know that this is a crazy concept. There is a lot of pressure to be perfect and to have the perfect family. But at what cost? If you are working so hard to make sure everyone else in your life is great, you are bound to suffer.
I am serious. You are a strong woman, I know you handle a lot. I know you put a lot on your shoulders. At some point, if you don’t take care of you, those shoulders are going to break or weaken.
I have had conversations with some women I work with talking about who they were before they were married and had kids. No, I don’t mean all the fun and late nights. I mean want were you like? What did you stand for? What was a priority for you then? Did you have “me” time? Did you take care of yourself? These questions are important. Sometimes, as women, we get stuck in the mom and wife role and loose ourselves. You are not just a mom. You are not just a wife. You are also you. And that’s wonderful!
Let’s get some of that power back. Let’s get some of that self-confidence back. Let’s find that autonomy. These are hard ideals to think about and even harder to change. We get stuck in what needs to be done day to day. Here are some examples of this….
Cindy has been doing her son’s laundry forever. He is 16 and she never taught him. This is beginning to get frustrating. After work and doing evening activities, she does his laundry. How great would it be to watch your current Netflix binge show instead? You deserve that down time. Let’s face it, he is 15 he should be doing his own laundry. By teaching him how to do laundry and setting an expectation that this is his responsibility, you are actually instilling some independence in him and getting him ready to move out or go to college. Cindy was nervous to make this change in her family. However, once it was done and her son got used to it…. she was able to have those 30 minutes to herself!
Jill was struggling to speak up for herself during family conversations and family functions. She found herself just deferring to her spouse and agreeing with what he said. Soon her family started to refer to them as “Jill and Derek” like they were one person. She wasn’t just Jill anymore. Jill worked with her therapist on this. They were able to address some concerns she had with self-confidence and assertiveness. She continued to practice these skills with her family. She started to feel proud of herself for voicing her own thoughts and ideas. Jill started to remember that she matters. Jill was able to figure out that her thoughts and ideas are important.
Mallory was tired of filling her day with work, class and appointments. This was not exciting. She was not doing anything she felt passionate about. If she was going to have busy days, she at least wanted to put something in the calendar that she loved to do. After getting some support and feedback, Mallory was able to volunteer at an assisted living facility. This was always something she wanted to do as she had wonderful relationships with her grandparents growing up. Now once a week, she is hanging out with older folks brightening their day and when she leaves, she is excited that she is doing something that is important to her!
What can you do to be selfish and be healthy for you? Is there something small that you can take a stand on for you? Can you ditch a meeting or not show up for a family function? Maybe get your nails done or just take a nap? Is there someone that you have been thinking of standing up to, but was too nervous? It’s time! You can put yourself first! This is important! Think of the pride you will have if you can make this happen. This of what a good example you are setting. You are showing your kids that YOU matter.
Ok, so here I am pushing you to do this. I know it is not easy. I know you need support and encouragement. I am here to help. I can help guide you in finding your autonomy. Let’s work together on this. Choose you.