Back to School Blues-

Back-to-School Blues: How to Talk With Kids Who Don’t Want to Return

As the first day of school approaches, many parents notice a shift in their children’s moods. Excitement for new backpacks and school supplies may be mixed with anxiety, irritability, or flat-out refusal to return. For elementary-age kids, the thought of going back to school after a fun and unstructured summer can feel overwhelming. As a parent, it can be hard to know how to respond—especially when your child can't or won't explain why they don’t want to go.

The key is communication—not to fix the feeling right away, but to understand and support it.

Start With Validation, Not Solutions

When a child says they don’t want to go back to school, resist the urge to jump in with reasons why school is "good for them" or why “everyone has to go.” Start instead by acknowledging the emotion. Try saying, “It sounds like going back to school feels hard right now. Want to tell me more?” This opens the door to deeper conversation.

Children, especially younger ones, may struggle to express what's really bothering them. Some common causes include fear of a new teacher, worry about friendships, academic pressure, sensory overload, or simply mourning the end of summer freedom.

Ask Gentle, Open-Ended Questions

Instead of asking “Why don’t you want to go?” try open-ended and specific prompts like:

• “What part of school are you most nervous about?”

• “What do you wish could be different?”

• “Can you remember a time school felt good? What made it that way?”

  
  

These questions help your child reflect without feeling interrogated. Let silence happen and avoid rushing to fill it with solutions.

Reconnect With the Positive

Without forcing positivity, gently help your child remember the parts of school they’ve enjoyed in the past—seeing a favorite friend, art class, recess, or even the lunchroom routine. Sometimes, remembering good experiences can soften resistance and provide reassurance.

Let them have a voice in preparing for school: choosing folders, decorating notebooks, or planning their lunch. These small choices can give them a sense of control during a time that feels uncertain.

Build Comfort Through Routine

Kids thrive on predictability. Begin establishing a consistent wake-up, mealtime, and bedtime routine at least a week before school starts. The return to structure can reduce anticipatory anxiety and make the transition less jarring.

Reading books about school, role-playing drop-off scenarios, or even visiting the playground outside the school can also help make the environment feel familiar again.

Know When to Get Extra Support

If your child’s anxiety is severe—resulting in meltdowns, stomachaches, or school refusal—it may be time to reach out to a school counselor or mental health professional. Early support makes a big difference.

At its core, your child wants to feel safe, seen, and understood. You don’t have to have all the answers—but your presence, patience, and willingness to listen will help guide them through their back-to-school worries with greater confidence.

The Importance of Self-Care

As you support your child, don’t forget about your own well-being. Parenting can be challenging, especially during transitions like back-to-school. Make sure to take time for self-care. This can include simple activities like taking a walk, reading a book, or enjoying a quiet cup of tea.

When you prioritize your mental health, you are better equipped to support your child. Remember, it’s okay to seek help for yourself too.

Scheduling Sessions

Consider scheduling sessions with a mental health professional if you feel overwhelmed. Therapy can provide you with tools to manage your emotions and better support your child. It’s a proactive step towards maintaining a healthy family dynamic.

Conclusion

Navigating back-to-school anxiety is a journey. By fostering open communication, validating emotions, and creating a supportive environment, you can help your child transition smoothly. Remember, you are not alone in this. Many families face similar challenges, and seeking support is a sign of strength.

-Kara Olimene LCSW